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November 21st, 2009
02:42 pm
Keepin' it alive.
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October 30th, 2006
06:07 pm - luke doodle
[edit:nevermind]
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October 16th, 2006
05:15 pm
I'm getting really stressed again, and its scaring me. I've really gotta calm down, but I don't know how, I know if I don't watch out something bads gonna happen to me. I'm having trouble sorting everything out in my head - theres just too much, and I'm really really....i don't know... depressed, worried, anxious, terse, angry, .... I dunno... Even the coming half term is looking grim. I need ... time away from work. Half term doesn't look like it's offering me that. I've gotta calm down before I make myself sick.
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October 1st, 2006
08:32 pm
I went to Ann-Maries this weekend, and it was awesome to say the least.
the main attraction per say was going to Corrosion, this club in wolverhampton. I never really liked clubbing when we went to Canal, the other, more emo club, but when I went to corrosion I surprisingly had the best time out I've had in ages. We arrived at about 11 I'm guessing, and stayed til about 3, and pretty much danced all night. It was really really fun. when we wernt dancing we were still having fun ;) :) but yeha, it was great, so thanks ann marie :) I hope we go again soon.
Recently I purchased Okami, Karaoke Revolution and today Tales of the Abyss. So yeah, thats pretty cool. I spent the other £40 of my bonus at ann maries on food and drink, but thats ok. I needed to treat ree cus i havent in ages. I still feel like it wasnt that great so hopefully i can properly treat her soon.
Today I realized how much I'm looking foward to the rest of my life with ann marie :)
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September 25th, 2006
10:25 pm - What You Will
Sir And. I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind i' th' world: I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether
Twelfth Night, Act I Scene III - 110
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September 18th, 2006
11:08 pm - baka
i stupidly left it up to ann marie to book my ticket.
...hah hah... ¬____¬
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September 8th, 2006
10:09 pm - Waiting for Winter
As I wait for the bus that will take me home I make out the soft ding-ding-ding-ding of the train station. In the distance, past the trees that border the bus bays I see the light pouring from the platforms, high above ground. The combination of the sound and the sight cause memories to come flooding back...
Winter is approaching and with it comes the ever earlier darkness, taking over our days as if it were gaining ground in a futile war. Soon enough the tide will turn and the darkness will be pushed back, but for now I welcome it.
Last winter is a happy memory for me, for it's my memory of when my life with you truly began. Whether it is the late winter of March that causes me to fill with nostalgia, on that night when we shared a blanket to fight the cold, looked to the stars and proclaimed our love for one another, or is it the early winter of august, where we lay in bed and explored not only each other, but ourselves?
I think back to these times, cold nights in warm beds and foggy windows rush back in a bittersweet way. We've come so far but paid with the innocence of our naivety, the feeling of discovery of all things new. These faded away with a time we'll never recover.
But the sacrifice was worth it, more than I could have ever imagined and in ways I never knew existed. Back then, lying next to you and feeling a euphoria, a contentness I never felt before. I felt like I never wanted any of it to change, but change happens whether you like it or not, for better or worse.
Our relationship matured without our consent, our love evolved beyond anything I can comprehend and I cannot even begin to explain in words the feelings I feel for you today. Change came with change and in my mind they began with the simple decision of coach over train.
Gone where the trains I now long for, along with the winter I miss so much. So much change happened when I was so foolishly steadfast against it. None of the change was bad, I know that now. Your beauty grew with each visit, your figure more enticing. Even without the feeling of newness your body became more irresistable each time I laid my eyes upon it, and we both truly grew, independantly and as a couple.
So now the winter draws near again, and the change sets in once more. Dark arrivals and foggy windows make a more than welcome comeback, and with them come the trains. And as I wait for the newness once again, I can hear the soft ding ding ding ding in the distance. I board the bus and hope to god to wake up in a carriage in wolverhampton, disembark and see you standing in the cold dark station, waiting patiently as you do in my memories.
And if it's true and upon your pretty face with smiling eyes my own do fall upon, I will embrace you in my arms, protect you from the cold and say the words I long to say.
"I love you Ann-Marie, so very, very much."
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September 6th, 2006
04:32 pm - An optimistic post of epic proportions
Things are... looking up! Recently I've been a bit depressed, a lots been on my plate and to be honest it still is, but I went out with a positive mindset and things started going well.
Recently I went back to school, which bummed me out bad, but it's not so bad anymore. In fact I'm enjoyiing all my subjects, which is definetly a good sign. I finally got my room back from my relatives, which is DEFINETLY a good sign (probably the most cheering up I've had in ages) and although yesterday I was uber depressed for the realization that my group of friends is definetly gonna split in about eight or nine months (end of A2 year) the future holds encouraging thoughts. After a bit of courage gathering and putting my pride and worries aside I asked my SSM to help me through the enrolement process for University. She said she's going to take me through it hand in hand, which was reassuring. I've been worrying about that since the start of AS year, and now I finally feel like going to university is actually possible. Along with that promise I'm finally moving out of this house to the respective Universities town/city I decide upon and, if all goes to plan, will not be alone in moving, but in fact be living out a dream I've always wanted to do (but never thought it would come this early in life) - living with my girlfriend. That thought alone really keeps me going through school life and with her by my side I really feel I can do anything - get the grades I want, go to uni, live with her, become a journalist - she's so full of optimism that it's hard to not become optimistic myself. Of course I have worries and doubts, but I've figured what the hell - I can only do my best, so that's what I'll do.
I woke up at the luxurious time of eight thirty, two full hours extra than I usually have and put on a great green t-shirt I got from my beautiful girlfriend a while ago. It's tight fitting I didn't really care; my bodies fine. So I've got a stomach, so its a bit big, who cares. Then I put on my most comfortable trousers, big baggy tracksuits, and felt great. I wanted to wear some nerdy shorts (Those who've seen them know the ones I'm talking about) but I wasn't prepared to wear them, I wasn't that confident.
I kissed / handshook'd my relatives goodbye for by the time I returned from school I knew they would be gone and my room would once again be mine and mine alone. I got the bus and dived straight back into my current literary expedition Angels and Demons. It's great, but check PHttM later for a small section on all of dan browns books.
Speaking of Pay Homage to the Moron, it's really going great. I'm really enjoying writing on it, and am definetly going to be doing so more than I have been recently. Other than the DB Article a Tales Of article is coming up which I'm really looking foward to.
Anyway, I got to school and went straight to Graphic Art as I was a few minutes late. That lesson is great, it's undeniable. My teacher is fantastic and has to be one of the funniest guys I've known. The workload is gargantuan, there's no doubt about that, but the lesson itself is very fun - as is the upcoming Personal Study I've been focusing on recently. Today I found out the massive workload cut down a bit thanks to a misconception I had about it. I thought we had to advertise 3 products, but it turns out we only need to do 1, which eased the pain considerably. I'm going to be working on that once I've finished this post.
I slipped out of the lesson (which is another reason to love it - it's so relaxed and trusting - Dan just leaves in your hands and only helps when you ask) and went to the finance office to get my EMA sorted. It had been putting a downer on me at the moment; with a £90 debt and £0 in my bank I had been feeling pretty glum, especially with the fact I need £11 a week for bus tickets and £38 for my graphic art resource kit. When I turned up at the office I was met with a friendly woman who helped me through the process and told me not only should I be getting my backpayments around October (by then they will have reached £90) but also a £100 bonus for returning to college for my second year - a heartwarming fact indeed. I returned to the graphic art room feeling elated - my financial crisis had been putting a real bummer on my thoughts recently and the fact that I should be getting £200 soon cheered me up a lot. I had a chat with Jamie, my GA buddy, about another problem which has been bumming me out recently...
Sex is something which I get pretty self concious about, especially when I talk to everyone else and they seem much better. Although talking to Jamie didn't help me in a traditional way - he's just as good as everyone else I speak to, which is far better than me it seems - but talking to him was reassuring, in the fact that I could tell him things he didn't know. I felt like I wasn't so alone in sexual discovery after all. People think that once you've been devirginised you know everything, and you're either stuck with greatness or shitness and that's that. I think (and hope!) this is wrong, and can only hope I keep learning and never reach 'my limit'. I want to keep finding new things, and for now I'll be pleased with my sex life, because even if I can't do all the great things other guys say they can, I still find it an incredibly beautiful experience I share with the equally as incredible girl I love
Lunchtime swung around all too quickly, and I found myself wanting to stay, continue talking to my GA friends, but I left and found Dom. Dom is great, and defiently falls under the category of a best friend. He'd brought in his DS and Akeesha gave him BLEACH DS which she bought in Japan. Dom had already had a quick go on the training session (styled in exactly the same environment and charactervschracter as Ichigo went through in the anime series - nice touch) and then gave me the honour of playing through Arcade mode as he ate lunch and watched in awe. The game is amazing to say the least, but I was heartbroken to find that Yoruichi was not readily available from the beginning (She is almost definetly an unlockable). I'll say more later on PhttM, so check it out there.
In media we were watching Van Helsing, a movie which holds a special little place in my heart. Critics hate it but I really enjoy it, and love using it to study (the three Dracula movies were getting very boring very quickly, despite my incomprehendable love for Keanu Reeves - does it stem from Bill and Ted? Most probably). Media studies was great anyway, I can't wait til Trev has finally burnt off a dvd copy of my documentary; when he has I'll rip it and put it on YouTube for all to see, so keep an eye out for that one :)
Then I had an enjoyable bus journey home with A&D again. When I got home I received two new comissions for £10 each which boosted financial hope. Now I guess I'm gonna go work on that graphics, but as I said - keep watching PHttM, its gonna have plenty of articles coming up, three definetly VERY soon. Keep an ear out for the release of Smoker's Life, and finally I'm starting on the final ten or so pages of Armada part 5, the final part in the series, so along with the art I'm producing at the moment productivity in Joe-San studios is going up tenfold.
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September 1st, 2006
01:13 am - zombies are cool
lets try and turn something boring into something interesting
#1 the coach
With an almost routine feeling of sadness joe turned from the woman he loved and wandered over to the ticket checker. They nodded, bored by their days work no doubt, and let him through the barrier to the station. A few steps past further and Joe turned, looking back at Ann-Marie and waving. A sad smile adorned both of their faces and Joe realized he was going in the wrong direction. Feeling stupid he bowed his head and turned around towards platform three, allowing himself one last glance in her direction before she dissapeared from sight.
The first carriage Joe boarded on the 1.37 to Birmingham New Street smelt of pee, a smell Joe would grow to hate before the day ended, but he was not aware of this yet. He walked to carriage C where the air was cleaner and the cabin was quieter, and Joe had to laugh quietly to himself at the sheer laziness of some people, sitting in a crowded, smelly carriage simply because they couldn't be bothered to walk a few metres into the next area. Joe sat down and reached for his bag, the heavy luggage he would be burderned with for the next hour. Unzipping the zipper on the side he let his fingers touch the spine of the paperback stored in the carry all before thinking better of it and zipping it back up. He played with the pound fifty in his pocket and kept his spirits alive with promises of chocolate at the coach station. 'M 'n' Ms maybe' he thought, allowing his mind to wander.
"Tickets from Wolverhampton" said a thin blonde woman at the front of the cabin, walking down the cabin and somehow finding those she didn't recognize and asking them to display their £3.40 orange and white passes to birmingham. 'how the heck does she remember who was on before wolverhampton and who wasn't' Joe thought, soon to give himself the answer 'she must see hundreds of faces every day, some regulars, some not... how?'. He waited, ticket in hand but out of sight, as the lady approached, continously asking for wolverhampton tickets, deciding to test it himself. 'will she realize i wasnt here before?'. As she got close Joe got worried for some reason; he had paid, but it didn't stop him from a feeling of dread, as if he didn't have that ticket allowing him the freedom to go where he pleased. Sure enough, as she passed and glanced at Joe the ticket was proffered without delay, and Joe felt stupid. A stamp later and Joe was alone once more, left alone to wonder how he could trick the system. 'If i bought a ticket every day, the next year - would they recognize its the wrong date? what if i doctored them.... would theysee the ink shining?'
Half an hour of mindless ponderings later and Joe was walking, his thoughts now on the automocy of his legs. After nearly losing his money to a big issue seller with a sad face Joe made it out of the train station and into the Bullring, a throbbing centre of shopping activity. Joe knew three things about the bullring. The location of the toilets, e-play and game. E-play was straight there at the entrance, and Joe gave it a glance with no real meaning as he passed. The image of a hundred zombies caught his eye and Joe stopped. Joe liked zombies, and Joe liked games, and the two were always a good mix in his opinion. Like a hungry begger at a bread store Joe approached the window, trying to take in all the detail of the poster. Scouring the rotting faces to see if it matched his criteria of a damn good game. The tagline read '1 mall full of zombies, 100 shops, 250 weapons and 72 hours'. It was love at first site. He rushed into the store and picked up the nearest copy of the game, scanning the back of the box and his infatuation deepened. Not only was it developed by Capcom, but it seemed as if the game had been made specifically for him.
#--#
Ok, im gonna stop the story here for a bit just to friggin drool - this game seriously looks friggin AMAZING. 250 weapons right, think about it. All of them found in a mall. So you have your usual GTA style gun weapons; now add on everything else. think EVERYTHING. bowling balls, axes, LAWN BOWERS. MOW THE FUCKERS DOWN. spades (cut off their heads!) chainsaws, garden shears, weights, battle axes samurai swords, barrels, chairs, golf clubs, plates (throw em like frisbees, cut off their heads), fruit, *chuck a watermelon their way) vases, widescreen tvs, pot plants, cactuses, signs, umbrellas, buckets, (stick em on their heads) or amazing hand to hand combat (use zombie corpses and chuck them at other people) seriously, think ANYTHING taht you can find in a mall - i swear to you it'll all be there.
now add classic zombie shit, them pouring over other survivors and eating their intestines. add other life shit- eat(anything you find food wise) shop (take a trolley, mow doen some zombies whilst bagging groceries) get clothes, find survivors and help them to safety - whatever. its up to YOU what you do with those 72 hours (before you are rescued) you can search for the source of the outbreak, or if you want hide in a closet for 72 hours - seriously, holy shit htis game is gonna rock. there can be 800 zombies on the screen for you to battle through at one time. holy crap i need a fucking xbox 360. BAD.
trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C91IYcj-3Og
#--#
after seeing that it was only for xbox 360 and consequently getting his heart broken for the second time that day Joe moved on. He arrived outside game and coulnt help himself. After admiring the lara croft statue he quickly left and went to the coach station with fifty minutes to spare. A tramp asked him on the way in "got any change mate?" and Joe said "no, I only have notes" rather qucikly. The tramp shrugged and moved on, and Joe felt pretty proud of his diversion. Another tramp, an irish one which Joe see's EVERY TIME he goes to digbeth coach station says the EXACT SAME LINES joes heard tonens of times. Feeling that it worked pretty well last time, joe says "sorry mate, ive only got a twenty".
"Could you buy me a sandwhich then?" the tramp says quickly
"...." the tramp is met with silence. Joe wasnt expecting this. 'MY CHOCOLATE MONEY' joes head screams, worried, and blurts out "no im waiting for my coach". The annoying tramp doesnt look too pleased but walks offa nad bugs someone else. Joe is now met with a dilema. He wants to buy chocolate from the vending machine but if either tramp sees him he's probably in trouble, or at least he'll feel bad. He wandersa round the machine shifitly for 10 minutes as if hes going to steal something before grabbing a chance and popping in his change. He spots the mnms, but then out of the corner of his eyes a package reading Crunchie Nuggets beckons him. He likes them, and thus proves a problem of choice. "bugger" mutters joe.
2 minutes later and crunchie nuggets are in joes hands and soon in his mouth and finally in his stomach. As he eats his hard earned feast Joe tries desperately to read Twelfth Night but gives up after he realizes he's really not up for the language today. instead he uses the book to cover the large hole in his trousers which is there thanks to a broken zip.
on the coach Joe sat in the back row, which he had never done before because ...? he doesnst really know. he was then joined by three girls (who couldnt have been older that 18) and a baby. Joe thought the baby stank, but it was actually the nearby toilet. For the rest of the two and a bit hour trip, every time someone opened that toilet door the most awful stench made its way to the back rows nostrils and everyone groaned. At the end of the trip Joe couldnt wait to get off, so when one of the girls let him out he said "thank you very much" but she just kind of.. stared at his crotch. In horror Joe thought "oh crap my zip". later he thought "wtf, get over it, i have underwear on too". He went immediately to the toilet in the bristol bus station cus he needed a pee real bad. this old lady was infront of him in the line for the loo (the only other person there actually) and she was fumbling in her wallet for a twenty pence coin. After Joe's twenty first birthday he'd decided he'd waited long enough (RANT: WHAT A FUCKING SLOW BITCH - she was there for like TEN FUCKING MINUTES without hinking of saying "do you want to go ahead of me?" FUCK she pissed me off) and pushed past her and climbed over the rail, peed very angrily and came out where the (rant: DUMBASS BITCH) old lady was still looking for a (rant: Fucking) twenty pence coin (dumbass idiot). he got on a radstock bus and went home.
>end../
***
Six hours is a long commute, especially when you do it twice every fortnight (sometimes more). It never gets any easier either - it always scares you. Until you're sitting on that coach you don't feel safe. Possibilities rush through your head however early you are. On the way back its worse, for along with the anxiety is the dread of returning to a dead life, at least for me.
Today I thought I was ok when I came home, lots of things took my attention away from my situation, but now, with everyone offline and me left sitting alone in front of a keyboard. This happens too often to me...
im sad. really really sad and lonely. and my nans coming round tomorrow til wednesday with an aunt and uncle and i have to relent my awesome roo mfor them and sleep in the bunk bed with my sister. damnitdamnitdamnit to HELL.
I think zombies are my favourite creation in the whole fictional world.
Current Music: Black Sabbath - War Pigs
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August 19th, 2006
02:55 pm
lol, I'm Joe, lol.
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August 17th, 2006
12:58 pm - AS results
AS Results:
Media - A
English Lit+Lang - B
Philosophy - B
Graphic Art - C
satisfied I guess.
joe out.
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August 15th, 2006
04:47 am
today i tried to send one of my poems to my brother Luke, but it failed. The title of the poem was Waking life, and my screename was 'The Fifth Horseman"
Luke says:
I didnt like the error when I read it quickly:
Luke says:
You have failed to receive the file "Waking Life.doc" from The Fifth Horseman
Luke says:
sounded a little scary
The Fifth Horseman says:
hahahahah!!!!
The Fifth Horseman says:
im so putting that on my livejournal
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August 14th, 2006
02:59 am - Bible Black Origins
hahaha! bible black = one of the funniest things ive ever seen. heres a quote from the witches in it
witch #1: What will we do once we summon the devil?
witch #2: We'll get him on our side, and make him use his power for us
now these are schoolgirls ok? schoolgirls think just cus they know a BIT of black magic (cus they can make people fall in love with other people, ooooh) they think they can not only summon the devil, but then get him on their side and - heres the best bit - MAKE him use his power for us. They think they can enslave the devil.
THE DEVIL.
In the end the devil rapes all of them, which i find rather fitting and very humorous. stupid idiots.
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August 13th, 2006
July 30th, 2006
01:19 am - Blam
I'm gonna point out the good things and bad things in my life in this post, so that I can keep track.
Sooo... What have I been up to lately? Oh you know, the usual, games and ann marie. That seems to be all that my life is comprised of right now, but OH WELL. Right now I'm waiting for a call that PROBABLY won't come. brb.
*phones ann marie himself*
Hmm. She's not picking up. Ah well.
( Life Awesomities and Life Problomities )
( Currentlies )
Now I'm sure theres so much more to say but I really cant be bothered. Ree still hasnt called... oh well.
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July 23rd, 2006
04:34 pm - Revolution!
Life is based in Livejournal, and I shall adhere to this rule... for the time being. Stick with LJ and read about my personal life.
For anything more creative, the future has arrived. My future, whatever that may be, can be found right HERE
The future is here. Update your bookmarks, because part of me is gone.
Current Mood: Gone
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July 22nd, 2006
11:27 pm
I like escalators cus they can never break - they can only become stairs.
- Mitch Hedburg
comments about one of those jumpy scary movies:
donationH (22 hours ago) saved his family years of bills
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July 18th, 2006
04:52 am - So...
( ...this weekend... )
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/gloomy.gif) gloomy
Current Music: Will Young - Who Am I
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July 11th, 2006
12:16 am - i laughed
laura!!~ says:
i wanna get a laptop
laura!!~ says:
a mac
Alien Loves Predator says:
BOOOO
Alien Loves Predator says:
mac spelt backwards is crap.
laura!!~ says:
lol doesnt tom use macs?
Alien Loves Predator says:
tom spelt backwards is gay
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June 28th, 2006
01:16 pm - Two bums walk into a lift, and one starts speaking shit LOL i made that up myself.
I'm back fuckheads! I wrote this on a plane, so whatever:
'My last day at orlando was odd. I got upset at leaving luke - I won't see him again in ages.
Then I made a stupid gaming-otaku mistake and a selfish one at that. I spent money that I should really be paying debts back with - yesterday I'd calculated I'd spent just over $500 whilst in america, and today i withdrew another $40 to buy a music game for the ps2 which id heard nothing about before (Taiko Drum Master anyone?). (so totally now I've spent $550 whilst in america. go me) It was by NAMCO who are usually trustworthy, bringing games like Katamari Damacy and Soul Calibur to the gaming table, and in music games they simply rule the roost (right? Or is that Konami? I think its konami D= ) Ayway, I fully started supporting my decision after I saw that one of the songs you play along to is the theme tune from FRIGGIN KATAMARI DAMACY ITSELF!
I got that along with Penny Arcade's first compuilation book of comics for the measly sum of $1, a hearty volume of awesomeness entitled 'Attack of the Bacon Robots!' and has abouit A BILLION strips in it. It rocks, and has entertained me during this nine hour flight (I lauhed out loud on several occasions much to the freakiness of my other passenegers - 'how dare he be laughing on a plane! he should be in hell like us) As I write this its about 4.49am in your tyime and i have two hours fifty minutes to go. Not bad. My internal clock already feels fucked but a hsort snooze once im done here should help that a bit (editors note: Yeah right) I plan on uploading this to LJ when i get home. (see - i stick to my word!)
I really couldnt have asked for a better flight though, We were slightly delayed by - get this - a tortoise on the runway - when the pilot announced it everyone laughed, then wathced their monitors as it waddled away. After gettuping up in the air I read PA then watched the feature film; Fun with Dick and Jane, which was a lightheaerted fun film and ate away at some of the time, tten a short break to eat (ewewewew food was AWFUL) before i plunged into the second movie - GOAL! Bear with me, i too had trepidation as i started to watch it. I'd never really been interested in it, i even poked fun at it with friends, but I watched it and - to my embarrasement - loved it. It was predicatable (SOOOOO predicatable) and tame, but the acting was superb and the story was nice and it carried a charm i cant describe to you. It miade me cry in the middle of the plane and those passenegers must have been thinking "WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY?! LAUGHING NOW CRYING?! IS HE INSANE?!. Several people heard, although few understood as they were all watching Goblet of Fire instead.
so as I watch the time to arrivval tick away (2.30 to go) i think back to my weeks at america, several things stand out; gaming being the biggest, (SAD) next - the food - too good; i can see why americans are all like (Editors note: here i drew a hilarious little picture of a fat blobby person with an american flag on their shirt which is far too small for them - i am funny)
Next is walmart and its awesomeizing prices, which i shall miss the most, and finally the theme parks - mgm studios being my favourite. I loved the rocknrollem coaster which was a terrifying ride all about aerosmith, whom i love, and i couldnt help feeling a bit superior to those who couldnt give a damn about Aerohammer or whatever their name is . I also loved getting my picture taken with a stormtrooper, which i never got the chance to do as a kid. The end of day display was one of the most amazing sights id ever witnessed and i wont defile it by trying to describe it in words.
Now im returning to the real joe world i find myself getting worried about my exam results, but theres nothing i can do about them now, but also annoyed at the couple more weeks of A2 schooling (whoever thought of that was an idiot - go straight back? FORGET ABOUT IT!)but at least im not going STRAIGHT back. Instead Im opting to go for a 4 day break to ann maries as ive missed her too much and just say 'FU!' to school, responsibilities, debts and work. Ive missed everyone so much but no one comes close to the cosntant ache ann maries abscence caused to my heart on a day to day basis. Im also saying "FU" to family as ive had enough of them til next summer. they are not a good unit to be with up close and personal for 2 weeks. anyway...
joe out (i'm thirsty!!)
Hooray, and thats what I wrote. Man, i just did all this travelling and now ive got a six hour journey to rees tomorrow... oh well, the end justifies the means :DD:D:D:D:
i love england.
its good to be back.
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